Yeah Baby, Yeah!

Leaving a relationship and losing love, will put you closer to your own heart, to your own desires. And this is a beautiful thing. — Siren

Image result for austin powers opening scene

Falling out of love can be one of the hardest experiences and simultaneously one of the most beautiful opportunities life will offer.  It is all about perspective…right?

After years in a serious relationship I came to realize I was falling out of love with my partner.  Trudging through months of desperately doing everything I could to save things, I decided we both needed something else, something more.  

We had a date night planned and in order to prepare, I found myself pouring a giant glass of wine prior to his arrival.  Standing in the kitchen, sipping this boldly flavored Cabernet I confirmed, it needed to end.

He picked me up bringing the most beautiful bouquet of flowers and a love letter.  Well, fuck..

Breaking this news was going to be excruciating.

During the date he was trailing on about how lucky he was to have me, how much he appreciated me and loved our strong relationship.  I was on a different planet. While staring into his insanely blue eyes I was captivated by the fact that I cared for this person but was no longer deeply in love with him.  How could two people be in such different places?

We got home, laid down in bed and he began drifting off to sleep.  My thoughts wouldn’t shut off. This needed to end, and now. I could not go another moment without speaking my truth.

Whoever said, “there is never a good time to bring someone bad news”, was right.

I tapped him, “Hey, can we talk?”  

(Interjection:  Why I choose this time to talk is something I need to figure out.  I always have the courage to speak up when they are drifting off to sleep.  Does anyone else do this to men?)

One late night painful conversation then ensued.  Tears, anger and silence filled the bedroom. As the conversation wound down, I drifted immediately into a sound slumber.  

The next morning I awoke feeling that a heavy weight had been lifted off of my daintily build body.

I WAS FREE!!!  

I felt like Julie Andrews twirling around on a beautiful hillside. Arms out wide, huge smile, chest and chin lifted high.  This is fucking great!

This elation was temporary as the impact of what I had done began to hit in the coming weeks.  Leaving a deeply committed relationship left even my cold closed-off heart in a sad place. I was mourning the loss of not only a relationship but also the visions I had built up of our future lives together.

After months of spontaneous crying sessions in really inappropriate places (the grocery store, a work meeting), impulsive nights spent drinking and dancing, and thoughts of becoming a spinster cat lady (that doesn’t even like cats) I came out on the other side!  

Those friends that tell you “it just takes time” are annoyingly right.  Time does heal all. Now, during this time, I wish I could have been cryogenically frozen like Austin Powers.  Unfortunately at this point in time we can only freeze our eggs for a steep price.

Enough time has passed for my mojo to return and my cold heart to heal. I am walking down the streets dancing, giggling and yelling “Yeah Baby, Yeah!”

Leaving a relationship and losing love, however painful, will put you closer to your own heart, to your own desires. And this is a beautiful thing.

Walking away from it all, I found the love I have for myself and a deeper understanding of the relationship I want with someone else.  

Let this new love journey begin!  

Yeah Baby, Yeah!

XO

Siren

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